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    6/5/2006

    回首烟云望断时

     

        怀旧是什么?也许是有选择的遗忘。

        怀旧为什么?为了抚慰老灵魂,重估旧时光,还是为日渐贫瘠和浮躁的当下,注入似曾相识的历史想象?

        当周而复始的时间又一次迫近那个血色峥嵘的历史节点,在弥漫耳目的升平气息里,波澜不惊应是意料之中的情境吧。而曾为过客的我,居然也在漫漶光阴中轻易学会了遗忘,直到接近子夜时分才蓦然想起;不仅如此,第一念中想到的并不是杜琪峰式的枪声盈耳万众瞩目的“大事件”,而是那天恰好是一位老友的生日,我却忘了祝福他的平安。

        其实,我们在历史中追寻和扮演的角色,远没有自己一度相信的那么重要。当我们自以为正在参与历史,创造历史,真正的历史早已擦肩远去,消失在街衢湮灭、灯火阑珊处。虽然我们也曾挥臂成林,呐喊,游走,歌哭在长夜,甚至血溅街头,待到事后省思,当时对自身的位置和命运竟是毫无觉察,毫无预感。

        遥想当年那盘棋,我们甚至算不上棋子,只不过是棋盘暗处,边框、角落里随风起伏的灰尘而已。那棋局中的云翻雨覆、旗幡变幻、斧声烛影,除了留下震动身心的悚然,至今仍难尽窥其中的玄机。十余年来不少学者的钩沉和身临其境者的追忆,提供了一些底片和镜像,在试图廓清历史迷雾的同时,更增添了罗生门式的吊诡,越发令人慨叹窥斑怎能见豹,说梦徒增泡影。

        “岂有豪情似旧时,花开花落两由之。”但无论如何淡忘或掩饰,我们始终背负一枚历史的胎记,难以抹去。这一年烙下的生命刻度,是深入到骨髓里的灼烫和冷厉。迈过这一轮刻度时,真有切肤的重生之感。匆遽中回头张望,已是深渊寂静,烟云霏微。
       
    斟一盏微温的残酒,向旷远虚空中沥洒,纪念一个多难而坚忍的民族,一个喧嚣而喑哑的时代,和一段暴烈而茫然的青春。

     
     

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